All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream
Human emotions are like a labyrinth... that go on being reflected like mirrors for eternity...
Believe what you can see and touch...
The reward of pain is experience...
Love and hatred are the same thing, the former is just aggressive and the later passive
Pain is a great teacher for human beings. The soul grows under the breath of pain
Luck is a part of a person's power
The truth is made up with many things... There are as many truths as there are people
To be human is to have the freedom to control one's fate
Without the desire to live, there is no love of life
Even after being deceived by 100 men, a woman will still fall in love with the 101'st...
Just as the fire is the origin of life, love is the origin of knowledge
Those pretty, well disciplined, chaste girls who don't listen to others.. It's no wonder that they are eaten by wolves...
Insecurity sometimes changes itself to fear, and fear creates a monster...
Fear of death is the realization of life's unresolved contradiction
Love is a sacred yearning to the unknown of the purest part of our soul
Freedom does not exist as an external truth. It exists inside men, and those who wish to be free are free
Hope springs eternal in the human breast; Man never Is, but always to blest
Do You Want to See the Bed in Flames?
You believe it would be hard to kill, But where are all of the dead coming from?
Sex is a Battle, Love is War...
Run, run for your lives...
You, in the schoolyard, I am ready to kill You...
its better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
At least two thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity, idealism, dogmatism and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religious or political idols.
A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need the advice.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives.
The dumbest people I know are those who know it all.
It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.
In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.
Anyone who proposes to do good must not expect people to roll stones out of his way, but must accept his lot calmly if they even roll a few more upon it.
If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.
Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed.
Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict.
The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you.
Cherish forever what makes you unique, ‘cuz you’re really a yawn if it goes.
Boredom is like a pitiless zooming in on the epidermis of time. Every instant is dilated and magnified like the pores of the face.
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
When people are bored, it is primarily with their own selves that they are bored.
He that gives good advice, builds with one hand; he that gives good counsel and example, builds with both; but he that gives good admonition and bad example, builds with one hand and pulls down with the other.
It is a mistake to suppose that men succeed through success; they much oftener succeed through failures. Precept, study, advice, and example could never have taught them so well as failure has done.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you, because, hey, free dummy.
Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because-where does he think he's going?!
If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting!
Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just be called "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so what, can't we all be brothers?
If you're in a boxing match, try not to let the other guy's glove touch your lips, because you don't know where that glove has been.
It's too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.
To me boxing is like ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the other dancers hit each other.
I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes I bet you can really see it in those genitals.
Contrary to popular belief, the most dangerous animal is not the lion or tiger or eventhe elephant. The most dangerous animal is a shark riding on an elephant, just trampling and eating everything they see.
Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have meen painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.
Even though he was an enemy of mine, I had to admit that what he had accomplished was a brilliant piece of strategy. First, he punched me, then he kicked me, then he punched me again.
Marta says the interesting thing about fly fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand.  Come on, Marta. Grow up.
The old pool shooter had won many a game in his life.  But now it was time to hang up the cue.  When he did, all the other cues came crashing to the floor.   "Sorry," he said with a smile.
If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most?  I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you?  You'd be wrong though.  It's Hambone.
Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke."  But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.
I wish a robot would be elected President.  That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula and Superman away.
If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mister Brave Man, I guess I am a coward.
If your a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls of, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.
In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatcally disqualify you.
Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what IS that thing?!
If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we BUILD to that.
As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasureable--until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but a HUMAN HEAD!!
To me clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary,  I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.
Better not take a dog on the Space Shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.
I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Cave Man the best.  We called him Uncle Cave Man because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he'd eat one of us.  Later on we found out he was a bear.
The sound of fresh rain run-off splashing from the roof reminded me of the sound of urine spashing into a filthy Texaco latrine.
I think somebody should come up with a way to breed a very large shrimp. That way, you could ride him, then, after you camped at night, you could eat him.                How about it Science?
When you go for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's really embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh.  But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me.  Than it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
You know what would make a good story?  Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad.  Also, he has severe diarrhea.
I really like the company of woman. I like their beauty,I like their charm, beauty, vivacity  and  delicacy but above all I like their silence.
A man can be perfectly happy in the company of a woman as long as he doesn’t love her.
I would like to know what is the proper function of women, if it is not to make reasons for husbands to stay at home and still stronger reasons for bachelors to go out.
Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them but I wouldn’t want to own one.
When a woman behaves like man , why doesn’t she behave like a gentleman?
Because women can do nothing except love they have given it a ridiculous importance.
She is the sort of a woman who lives for others. You can always tell others by their hunted expression.
The only question left to be answered is whether women are persons.
If u tell a woman that she is beautiful, she will overlook most of your other lies.
Their are three things a man can do with a woman. Love  them, suffer for them or turn them into literature.
Next to being married ,a woman likes to be crossed in love a little now and then.
A lady’s imagination is very rapid. It jumps from admiration to love and from love to  matrimony in a moment.
Never try to impress a woman for  if you do she will expect  you  to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
Women would have been the most enchanting of all creations of this world if by falling into their arms one wouldn’t fall into their hands.
Every girl should use what mother nature has given her before father time takes it away.
Sensible men prefer evening to morning, night to day , and mature women to young girls.
Music and women , I cannot give way to whatever my business is.
Most women are not beautiful. They only look as though they are.
There are  beautiful flowers, scentless and beautiful women that are unlovable.
There are more photographs of pretty women than there are pretty women.
Men have a much better time of it. For one thing they marry  later and secondly they die earlier.
Why haven’t women got a label on their foreheads saying Danger ; Govt health warning ; women can seriously damage your brains, genitals, current account , confidence , razor blades and good standing among friends.
Sometimes I wish Adam had died with all his ribs inside his body.
women is a necessary evil, a natural temptation, a desirable calamity, a deadly fascination and a painted ill.
A woman never sees what we do for her she only sees what we don’t .
Nothing is more wearing than a supremely dull woman unless it is an extremely witty one.
On one issue man and women agree that u cant trust a woman.
When 2 women suddenly become friendly it is a sure sign that some third woman has lost 2 friends.
To endow a woman with reason is to give a knife in a child’s hand.
Woman is generally so bad that the difference between good and bad woman hardly exists.
A woman will flirt with anyone as long as other people are looking on.
Women have a wonderful instinct of discovering things. They can discover anything except the obvious.
Beauty is one thing a woman may lose and never know that its gone.
When a woman wants a man and lusts after him, the lover need not conjure opportunities for she will find more in an hour than  man could think of in a century.
Fighting is essentially a man’s idea. A woman’s weapon is her tongue.
Whether a pretty woman grants or withholds her favour , she always likes to be asked for it.
Beauty is only a zephyr , it has no worth; beautiful women fade away as quickly as roses do.
For a woman doing wrong is much less burdensome than doing the right.
When the fine eyes of a woman are veiled with tears , it is usually the man who loses sight.
I like female body more than female mind. It is much better made.
This woman speaks 18 languages and she can’t say no in any of them.
Surprise old friends by visiting them at 3AM "to discuss old times".
Insist on buying airplane tickets for friends to "save them money." Make sure the plane departs at 5AM and the tickets are non-refundable. Point out that you didn't really save them any money.
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
Rouse your roommate/spouse from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode.
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
Explain to everyone you meet of your Kennedy assassination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells..." until physically restrained.
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.
Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as the Mr Rogers theme song.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see the "magic picture".
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
When asked to do things, repeat the instructions to the body parts involved. (ie. "Hand, will you please open the door.")
When people ask you to do things, mutter under your breath, "This won't be neccessary where you are going."
Get to know a friends bookie and place bets for them. Insist on keeping half of any money they win.
Call other people "Champ" or "Tiger.". Refer to yourself as "Coach."
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value
Smile... tomorrow will be worse
If anything can go wrong -- it will
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious
Everything goes wrong all at once
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value
Smile... tomorrow will be worse
If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong
If anything can't go wrong, it will anyway
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something
Everything takes longer than you think
If nobody uses it, there's a reason
You get the most of what you need the least
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw
If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know
If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question
When eating an elephant, take one bite at a time
Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer
Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely
Anybody can win -- unless there happens to be a second entry
Opportunity always knocks at the least appropriate moment
Almost anything is easier to get into than out of
When all else fails, follow instructions
Don't force it, get a larger hammer
Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood
If it should exist, it doesn't
If it does exist, it's out of date
If you can't learn to do it well, you should learn to enjoy doing it badly
Any simple idea must be worded in the most complicated way
What gets you promoted on one level will get you fired on another
If it can be borrowed and it can be broken, you will borrow it and you will break it
Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it
In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it
The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher the probability of its success
If all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail
Old age is always fifteen years older than I am
That which has not yet been taught directly can never be taught directly
If at first you don't succeed, you will never succeed
It is much harder to find a job than to keep one
There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't
If you think education is expensive -- try ignorance
If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane
An optimist believes that we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears that this is true
It's better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick
If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong
If anything can't go wrong, it will anyway
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something
Everything takes longer than you think
If nobody uses it, there's a reason
You get the most of what you need the least
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw
If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know
If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question
When eating an elephant, take one bite at a time
Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer
Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely
Anybody can win -- unless there happens to be a second entry
Opportunity always knocks at the least appropriate moment
Almost anything is easier to get into than out of
When all else fails, follow instructions
Don't force it, get a larger hammer
Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood
If it should exist, it doesn't
If it does exist, it's out of date
If you can't learn to do it well, you should learn to enjoy doing it badly
Any simple idea must be worded in the most complicated way
What gets you promoted on one level will get you fired on another
If it can be borrowed and it can be broken, you will borrow it and you will break it
Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it
In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it
The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher the probability of its success
If all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail
Old age is always fifteen years older than I am
That which has not yet been taught directly can never be taught directly
If at first you don't succeed, you will never succeed
It is much harder to find a job than to keep one
There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't
If you think education is expensive -- try ignorance
If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane
An optimist believes that we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears that this is true
It's better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick
My black blood and your white flesh...
The cold sweat on your white forehead, hails into my sick brain...
I will always become hornier from your screams...
Your White Flesh Excites Me So...
I'm Just a Gigolo...
My father was exactly like me...
Your White Flesh Enlights Me...
Warm body, hot cross, wrong judgment, cold grave...
I will return in ten days, as your shadow, and I will hunt you down...
Ashes to ashes, and dust to dust...
I follow you, I find you, I touch you, And Now, I have you...
Never again, the old sorrow...
Save each other from being in pairs...
A man is burning...
The smell of flesh lies in the air...
A child is dying...
A sea of flames...
Blood is coagulating on the asphalt...
Mothers are screaming...
A mass grave...
No escape...
No birds are singing anymore...
The sun is shining...
God knows I don't want to be an angel...
You have asked me, and I have said nothing...
They want my heart on the right spot, but then I look below, it beats left there...
Left two three four left!
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, out...
And the world counts loudly to ten
Can you hear me? Can you see me? Can you feel me? I don't understand you...
I wait for you, at the end of the night...
its better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
At least two thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity, idealism, dogmatism and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religious or political idols.
A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need the advice.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives.
The dumbest people I know are those who know it all.
It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.
In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.
Anyone who proposes to do good must not expect people to roll stones out of his way, but must accept his lot calmly if they even roll a few more upon it.
If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.
Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed.
Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict.
The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you.
Cherish forever what makes you unique, ‘cuz you’re really a yawn if it goes.
AAAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous 
He that gives good advice, builds with one hand; he that gives good counsel and example, builds with both; but he that gives good admonition and bad example, builds with one hand and pulls down with the other.
It is a mistake to suppose that men succeed through success; they much oftener succeed through failures. Precept, study, advice, and example could never have taught them so well as failure has done.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you, because, hey, free dummy.
Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because-where does he think he's going?!
If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting!
Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just be called "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so what, can't we all be brothers?
If you're in a boxing match, try not to let the other guy's glove touch your lips, because you don't know where that glove has been.
It's too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.
To me boxing is like ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the other dancers hit each other.
I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes I bet you can really see it in those genitals.
Contrary to popular belief, the most dangerous animal is not the lion or tiger or eventhe elephant. The most dangerous animal is a shark riding on an elephant, just trampling and eating everything they see.
Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have meen painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.
Even though he was an enemy of mine, I had to admit that what he had accomplished was a brilliant piece of strategy. First, he punched me, then he kicked me, then he punched me again.
Marta says the interesting thing about fly fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand.  Come on, Marta. Grow up.
The old pool shooter had won many a game in his life.  But now it was time to hang up the cue.  When he did, all the other cues came crashing to the floor.   "Sorry," he said with a smile.
If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most?  I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you?  You'd be wrong though.  It's Hambone.
Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke."  But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.
I wish a robot would be elected President.  That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula and Superman away.
If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mister Brave Man, I guess I am a coward.
If your a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls of, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.
In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatcally disqualify you.
Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what IS that thing?!
If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we BUILD to that.
As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasureable--until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but a HUMAN HEAD!!
To me clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary,  I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.
Better not take a dog on the Space Shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.
I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Cave Man the best.  We called him Uncle Cave Man because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he'd eat one of us.  Later on we found out he was a bear.
The sound of fresh rain run-off splashing from the roof reminded me of the sound of urine spashing into a filthy Texaco latrine.
I think somebody should come up with a way to breed a very large shrimp. That way, you could ride him, then, after you camped at night, you could eat him.                How about it Science?
When you go for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's really embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh.  But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me.  Than it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
You know what would make a good story?  Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad.  Also, he has severe diarrhea.
I really like the company of woman. I like their beauty,I like their charm, beauty, vivacity  and  delicacy but above all I like their silence.
A man can be perfectly happy in the company of a woman as long as he doesn’t love her.
I would like to know what is the proper function of women, if it is not to make reasons for husbands to stay at home and still stronger reasons for bachelors to go out.
Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them but I wouldn’t want to own one.
When a woman behaves like man , why doesn’t she behave like a gentleman?
Because women can do nothing except love they have given it a ridiculous importance.
She is the sort of a woman who lives for others. You can always tell others by their hunted expression.
The only question left to be answered is whether women are persons.
If u tell a woman that she is beautiful, she will overlook most of your other lies.
Their are three things a man can do with a woman. Love  them, suffer for them or turn them into literature.
Next to being married ,a woman likes to be crossed in love a little now and then.
A lady’s imagination is very rapid. It jumps from admiration to love and from love to  matrimony in a moment.
Never try to impress a woman for  if you do she will expect  you  to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
Women would have been the most enchanting of all creations of this world if by falling into their arms one wouldn’t fall into their hands.
Every girl should use what mother nature has given her before father time takes it away.
Sensible men prefer evening to morning, night to day , and mature women to young girls.
Music and women , I cannot give way to whatever my business is.
Most women are not beautiful. They only look as though they are.
There are  beautiful flowers, scentless and beautiful women that are unlovable.
There are more photographs of pretty women than there are pretty women.
Men have a much better time of it. For one thing they marry  later and secondly they die earlier.
Why haven’t women got a label on their foreheads saying Danger ; Govt health warning ; women can seriously damage your brains, genitals, current account , confidence , razor blades and good standing among friends.
Sometimes I wish Adam had died with all his ribs inside his body.
women is a necessary evil, a natural temptation, a desirable calamity, a deadly fascination and a painted ill.
A woman never sees what we do for her she only sees what we don’t .
Nothing is more wearing than a supremely dull woman unless it is an extremely witty one.
On one issue man and women agree that u cant trust a woman.
When 2 women suddenly become friendly it is a sure sign that some third woman has lost 2 friends.
To endow a woman with reason is to give a knife in a child’s hand.
Woman is generally so bad that the difference between good and bad woman hardly exists.
A woman will flirt with anyone as long as other people are looking on.
Women have a wonderful instinct of discovering things. They can discover anything except the obvious.
Beauty is one thing a woman may lose and never know that its gone.
When a woman wants a man and lusts after him, the lover need not conjure opportunities for she will find more in an hour than  man could think of in a century.
Fighting is essentially a man’s idea. A woman’s weapon is her tongue.
Whether a pretty woman grants or withholds her favour , she always likes to be asked for it.
Beauty is only a zephyr , it has no worth; beautiful women fade away as quickly as roses do.
For a woman doing wrong is much less burdensome than doing the right.
When the fine eyes of a woman are veiled with tears , it is usually the man who loses sight.
I like female body more than female mind. It is much better made.
This woman speaks 18 languages and she can’t say no in any of them.
Surprise old friends by visiting them at 3AM "to discuss old times".
Insist on buying airplane tickets for friends to "save them money." Make sure the plane departs at 5AM and the tickets are non-refundable. Point out that you didn't really save them any money.
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
Rouse your roommate/spouse from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode.
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
Explain to everyone you meet of your Kennedy assassination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells..." until physically restrained.
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.
Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as the Mr Rogers theme song.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
The two-foot long bird called a Kea that lives in New Zealand likes to eat the strips of rubber around car windows!
Most lipstick contains fish scales!
Skepticisms is the longest word that alternates hands when typing!
One ragweed plant can release as many as one billion grains of pollen!
It's illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while you're sitting on a curb in St. Louis!
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigleys gum!
No piece of square dry paper can be folded more than 7 times in half!
A group of geese on the ground is a gaggle, a group of geese in the air is a skein!
Over 2500 left handed people a year are killed from using products made for right handed people!
There are more than 10 million bricks in the Empire State Building!
If you counted 24 hours a day, it would take 31,688 years to reach one trillion!
Taphephobia is the fear of being buried alive!
A crocodile always grows new teeth to replace the old teeth!
The sun is 330,330 times larger than the earth!
Clinophobia is the fear of beds!
A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second!
Porcupines float in water!
Pinocchio is Italian for "pine eye"!
The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog." uses every letter of the alphabet!
The average life span of a major league baseball is 5-7 pitches!
The Mint once considered producing doughnut-shaped coins!
The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is "uncopyrightable"!
The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds!
The sloth (a mammal) moves so slowly that green algae can grow undisturbed on its fur!
Cat urine glows under a black-light!
The world's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to 1!
The electric chair was invented by a dentist!
Windmills always turn counter-clockwise. Except for the windmills in Ireland!
A hedgehog's heart beats 300 times a minute on average!
Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand!
The placement of a donkey's eyes in its' heads enables it to see all four feet at all times!
Human teeth are almost as hard as rocks!
A mole can dig a tunnel 300 feet long in just one night!
Ancient Egyptians slept on pillows made of stone!
A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4 foot tall child inside!
A quarter has 119 grooves on its edge, a dime has one less groove!
A hummingbird weighs less than a penny!
Until 1796, there was a state in the United States called Franklin. Today it's known as Tennessee!
The Earth weighs around 6,588,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 tons!
A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off - it dies from starvation!
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie!
The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year!
It's against the law to pawn your dentures in Las Vegas!
One in every 4 Americans has appeared on television!
The average American/Canadian will eat about 11.9 pounds of cereal per year!
It's against the law to burp, or sneeze in a certain church in Omaha, Nebraska!
you're born with 300 bones, but when you get to be an adult, you only have 206!
Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete!
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop
If several things that could have gone wrong have not gone wrong, it would have been ultimately beneficial for them to have gone wrong
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the first one to go wrong
If there are two or more ways to do something, and one of those ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone will do it
The distance to the gate is inversely proportional to the time available to catch the flight
If anything can go wrong -- it will
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious
Everything goes wrong all at once
Over 10,000 birds a year die from smashing into windows!
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value
Smile... tomorrow will be worse
If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong
If anything can't go wrong, it will anyway
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something
Everything takes longer than you think
If nobody uses it, there's a reason
You get the most of what you need the least
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw
If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know
If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question
When eating an elephant, take one bite at a time
Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer
Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely
Anybody can win -- unless there happens to be a second entry
Opportunity always knocks at the least appropriate moment
Almost anything is easier to get into than out of
When all else fails, follow instructions
Don't force it, get a larger hammer
Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood
If it should exist, it doesn't
If it does exist, it's out of date
If you can't learn to do it well, you should learn to enjoy doing it badly
Any simple idea must be worded in the most complicated way
What gets you promoted on one level will get you fired on another
If it can be borrowed and it can be broken, you will borrow it and you will break it
Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it
In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it
The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher the probability of its success
If all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail
Old age is always fifteen years older than I am
That which has not yet been taught directly can never be taught directly
If at first you don't succeed, you will never succeed
Don't respect either mercy or weakness, those are the deseases which makes the strong ones to get sick
Always test your strength, your success is right there
Always get happyness from victory, but never from defeat
Take joy from a short rest, instead of a long one
Come as a reaper, to mow
Never love so much something at the point to lose your own life to it
Don't built with sand, but with stones, and don't built for today or tomorrow, but for all eternity
Always make effort for more, your conquest shall never be completed
Die, instead of being a slave to someone
Forge, not works of art, but deadly swords, there's the great art
Lurn how to get high over yourself, however, you can still win over all
Lifes's blood is great to fertilize the seeds of the incoming
The one who's upon the highest pyramid of skulls, can watch all the rest
Always own good conduct
Everyrhing that's great it's built up on duel
Don't struggle just beyond, but upon the lies of greatness of the highest
Come as a strong and fresh wind, which breaks but also creats
Love it's a goal, but let your highest goal to be the greatness
Nothing is more beautiful than the Man and the Woman
Refuse all the illusions and lies, because they raise difficulties to the strong ones
What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger
It is much harder to find a job than to keep one
There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't
If you think education is expensive -- try ignorance
If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane
An optimist believes that we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears that this is true
It's better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick
The state of Florida is bigger than England!
If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy

When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him
Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day!
Thomas Edison, lightbulb inventor, was afraid of the dark!
Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see the "magic picture".
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
When asked to do things, repeat the instructions to the body parts involved. (ie. "Hand, will you please open the door.")
When people ask you to do things, mutter under your breath, "This won't be neccessary where you are going."
Get to know a friends bookie and place bets for them. Insist on keeping half of any money they win.
Call other people "Champ" or "Tiger.". Refer to yourself as "Coach."
